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Below is something I think about all the time. I think about it because it’s one of those things that just really makes sense to me and it’s something that there is actual science research around. The "health benefits" of weight loss are not about the weight loss itself but about the BEHAVIORS done to cause the weight loss. The weight loss is merely a side effect and not the health promoting thing we think it is. Think about what actually changes when someone "gets healthy" through weight loss. They're moving their body more. They're usually eating more nutrient dense foods. They're sleeping better, managing stress, drinking more water. Those are the things improving their health... the weight loss is just along for the ride. This matters because it means you don't have to worry about the scale at all to start getting healthier. The benefits kick in the moment the behaviors do. And it's worth saying: pursuing health is a personal choice, not a moral obligation. Your worth isn't measured by how hard you're working toward it. No one owes anyone health. Wanting to pursue health (or not) doesn't make you a better or worse person. Because here's the thing: fat people can be healthy and thin people can be unhealthy. Health lives in the body's internal landscape, not its size or shape. Using appearance as a proxy for health is shortsighted, and it harms everyone. When a medical provider does it, the stakes are even higher. People avoid care, get misdiagnosed or undiagnosed, or leave appointments feeling unheard...all because someone confused body size with a health status. There's also a measurement problem. If someone is actively trying to lose weight, it becomes nearly impossible to isolate the health benefits of their behaviors from the weight loss itself. Did their blood pressure improve because they started walking every day or are we just crediting the number on the scale? When weight loss is the goal and the metric, it clouds our ability to see what's actually driving better health outcomes. What if, we just stop weighing ourselves and stop letting our doctors weigh us. You can do that you know. You can refuse and I do, every time. Now, there are medical conditions where knowing your weight and keeping track of it is vital along with certain medications needing to be dosed correctly, but if that’s the case, turn around on the scale. Tell the nurse not to mention to you what the number is. Ask to have your health measured by actual health markers by having blood work done and recording blood pressure (make sure the cuff is the right size for your arm or it will read high), by discussing regular movement and what way of eating is the most supportive for you. Because I’m not saying you should neglect your health. I’m actually saying that it might be fun to be way more involved and curious about it. How do you feel when you get enough sleep regularly? How do you feel when you get some movement on most days? What is your stress like? How do you feel when you get outside? If you’re worried about eating the best way for you, even with a medical condition, could you reach out to a HAES (Health at Every Size) nutritionist who isn’t focused on weight loss? (I did and it was life changing! ¹) I don’t know about you, but I remember, back when I was heavily involved in diet culture, when I started eating a little differently or when I started moving more, I thought I had lost weight…I hadn’t, but I felt better, stronger, more confident, immediately. It wasn’t the weight, it never was. When I move more, I feel stronger, my brain feels clearer and I sleep better. When I do yoga or stretch more, I am more flexible, when I eat a more varied diet of nutrient rich foods, I feel better ². I don’t have to wait or even try to lose weight to be taking care of myself in those ways. And, there is a lot of research showing that weight cycling is the actual bad actor here. Weight cycling, (losing weight and regaining it), often more than you lost, affects around 95% of people who lose weight. If that's your story, it's not a personal failure. It's an incredibly common experience. Your body thinks that you’re starving it so it is slowing your metabolism and holding on to the food that you are eating so you don’t die. How cool is that?! If I never dieted in my life, I would be in a smaller body today. I’ve come to be comfortable in this fat body, so it’s not that I regret this body today, it’s just kind of ironic that the diets that were supposed to make me smaller, actually did the opposite. There is so much nuance and so many other things that affect our health. I haven’t even mentioned the social determinants of health. Those are things like: where you live, if you have clean drinking water, your access to healthcare, what education you had, if you are in a group that is discriminated against, if you have a job that pays you enough to get all of your needs met, if you have large debt or medical bills, if you are connected with community, ANTI-FAT BIAS and much more. And that’s a whole ‘nother blog post. So, what do you think? If you want to pay attention to your health, I’d be curious if you might put down the external measuring stuff? Could you get rid of the scales, the step counter (did you know there is no actual medical research that supports the 10,000 step goal? It was for a pedometer company to sell more pedometers) and focus on behaviors, not size? Here are just a few resources and great people to follow, who know more than me about this stuff. Regan Chastain https://weightandhealthcare.substack.com/ Health at Every Size Health Sheets https://haeshealthsheets.com/ ¹My HAES nutritionist was Chelsea Levy, RD https://www.chelsealevynutrition.com/ ² I want to be clear, none of these things make me better than anyone else and that also goes for anyone who thinks they are superior for losing weight.
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Many moons ago (however many it takes to get us back to around 2007), I tried yoga for the first time. I was working as a dog groomer back then, and there was a coffee shop just down the street where I’d go for coffee in the mornings (or really, whenever).
One of the baristas was also a yoga teacher. She was super nice, and we became friends. I kept telling her that I really wanted to try yoga, and after saying that for a while, I finally made it to a class. It was a vinyasa class, which is a style of yoga that links movement with breath in a flowing, continuous sequence. It’s often faster-paced, with repeated small sequences. I loved it. Do you know why? Because it was “exercise” (I thought at the time) that I could do barefoot...and if you know me, you know being barefoot is my favorite. That was the main reason at first, but I also loved the flow, the movement, and the rest at the end when my mind could finally relax. I practiced regularly for a few years before yoga was replaced by cycling. If I had known then what I know now, I would have tried to do both since they complement each other beautifully. Then, in 2015, I was in a bike crash. I was hit by a car while riding. Long story short, that accident brought me back to yoga. My recovery and rebuilding strength brought me solidly back to my practice. Around that same time, I began my body-positivity journey. I started to accept that my body was okay just as it was. I kept practicing yoga, going to different studios until I finally found an instructor I really liked. She encouraged me to explore not just the poses, but also the philosophy behind yoga. Around the same time, I started following plus-size yoga teachers on social media, people like Amber Karnes and Dianne Bondy, who showed me how to make poses work for my body instead of trying to force myself into shapes that didn’t fit. I started to do those variations of poses in class and my instructor noticed that I was doing things slightly different. She started using me as an example of how you could do a posture more comfortably if you had a larger chest or belly like I did. It made me start to think about becoming a yoga teacher myself. In 2018, I applied to the Himalayan Institute in Buffalo, NY, and was accepted. I began my 200-hour teacher training that September and finished the following spring. I was the only fat person in the class and I enjoyed sharing the pose variations I’d learned with my fellow students and instructors, and I also discovered so much about the other seven limbs of yoga...learning and realizing that yoga is far from just exercise. In 2019 I started teaching with the same instructor I had been learning under. I really was grateful to learn from her and the other teachers at the studio that I looked up to. It was at the end of that year that I also got my Accessible Yoga teacher training certification, again from Amber Karnes (who has since become a friend who I get to go on and lead adventures with). Then came 2020, and the world shut down. Like many yoga instructors, I moved my teaching online, and I loved it. It gave me a low-stress way to grow my teaching while connecting with a wider community. I also got to learn from fat teachers, disabled teachers, and queer teachers I would never have been able to travel to. I learned from South Asian yoga teachers whose culture and traditions brought us yoga, like Susanna Barkataki, whose perspectives expanded my understanding of yoga’s roots. In 2022, I completed my 300-hour teacher training, Path to Yoga, Justice, and Equity, led by Dianne Bondy. That training deepened my respect for yoga’s roots and its connections to social justice movements. I came to see that the way we teach yoga is social justice in action. I’m so grateful for all the teachers who guided me through that process. Today, I continue to teach online and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. I love how accessible it is, both for me as a teacher and for my students. I’ve made wonderful friends across the country through online teaching. I also teach in person and I love that too. I love being in space with people and building community together. My favorite is when I get to be outside and teach to my community…(who here is surprised?) Yoga has shaped not just how I move, but how I connect. How I connect with myself, my body, and this community. I’m endlessly grateful for the people I’ve met along the way and for every student who shows up just as they are. However you practice, on a mat, in a chair, outside, or in your heart...I hope you know there’s space for you here. Do you have a yoga practice? What does your practice give to you? If you don’t, do you want to have one? What is holding you back from trying? The energy was palpable as soon as we walked into the entrance of the con. Yes, it was excitement, yes, it was anticipation—but there was something more. There was a familiarity, the feeling that you were coming to meet old friends. And yes, there were actual old friends there, or really people you already knew, but the feeling was about everyone who was there. It was like all the people you were going to see this weekend were already friends. They already liked you. They already thought that you were cool. There weren’t any pretenses you had to keep up. You didn’t have to make yourself smaller. In actuality, when you got there, you exhaled and let your belly go—be soft, be round, be its full size. Your shoulders released, and your jaw relaxed.
There were smiles that said, “I know you, and what you’ve been through, because I’ve been through something similar—and now we’re here together, and it’s all going to be okay.” “You’re okay.” “I’m okay.” “There’s nothing wrong with you.” “There’s nothing wrong with me—and actually, we are fucking awesome.” A look that says, all at once: You are an incredible human. You sparkle. You shine in your fullness and beam with the energy that is all of you. You don’t have to hide a single part—the energy that most people and most spaces don’t get to experience or witness…ever. This is a space where we remembered that we were enough, not learned that we were enough. We felt that empowered knowing. That our bodies are not separate from us. That we do not need to change or hide them. That we are not our bodies—but also, we are our bodies—and those bodies, those vessels that allow us to experience this gathering, are exquisite works of art. We were walking through a living museum this weekend, with beautiful pieces adorned as they wanted to be. A living, breathing museum… not in that it must be viewed or looked at, or that it was for others’ entertainment, but that it was. It happened. It was important. And all those in it were—and are—precious. Just like pieces in a museum.The stories in those vessels must be remembered. These stories, these experiences, this energy will live in the portrait of Philly Fat Con 2025 (what I’m dubbing the fatosphere). May we all remember that we are, and were, and will continue to be divine—body, soul, and mind.  I’ve lived in basically the same town for most of my life. I moved away for college in the late ’90s and early 2000s, but I came back. It’s where my mom, sisters, their families, and I all live. It’s also where I met my partner (even though he’s from the UK) and where we’ve put down roots. Every so often, I run into someone from my past—maybe an old classmate or someone I vaguely knew from somewhere else. Sometimes we say hi, and sometimes it’s just a passing glance with someone who was never really a friend, more of an acquaintance. That happened a few weeks ago as I walked out of a local coffee shop. I saw someone whose name I knew, though we’d never really spoken. And I had this fleeting thought: I wonder if they think I “let myself go” because I’m fat. Growing up, I wasn’t necessarily a big kid, but I was always a little bigger than many of the other girls. I started dieting in sixth grade, when I was about 11—right around the time many girls gain weight because, you know, puberty. Like so many people socialized as women, I kept dieting off and on until I was about 41. For those doing the math, that’s 30 years. So yes, I’m the biggest I’ve ever been in my life—but what I wish I could telepathically tell that acquaintance (and anyone else who wonders) is this: I haven’t let myself go. I’ve finally learned to take care of myself and to love my body more than I ever have. (Should I make a t-shirt?) These days, I don’t look in the mirror and grimace. I don’t fight with my clothes or wish I could fit into a smaller size. If something doesn’t fit, I just buy a different size. And let me tell you, it’s taken years of WORK. And to the inevitable question: “But don’t you care about your health?”—the answer is, yes. Shockingly (I know), I’m more in tune with my health than ever before. Because here’s the thing: aesthetic is not health. I used to only care about what size I wore, and I did plenty of unhealthy things to make that number smaller. There’s plenty of research showing that practicing health-promoting behaviors—stress reduction, movement, gentle nutrition—improves health outcomes regardless of body size, ie: while fat. And let’s be clear: some people will never be “healthy” by traditional standards, and that’s okay. We don’t owe anyone health to deserve respect. Does society’s voice still creep into my mind sometimes? Of course—it happens when I don’t fit in a chair, when I have to ask for a seatbelt extender on a plane, or when I’m around family (families are hard, y’all). But then I remind myself: I don’t need to change—society does. We need a world that considers everyone, not just those who fit the narrow standards of beauty and worth. And maybe that’s true for you, too. If you’ve ever caught yourself judging someone’s body — or your own — pause and ask, where did that come from? Whose standards are you measuring against? That’s not shame talking; that’s awareness. We’ve all been steeped in fatphobia since childhood. It shows up in who we picture when we think of “healthy” or “beautiful.” It shows up in the compliments we give, the clothes we think we’re “allowed” to wear, and the way we compare ourselves to others. Those beauty ideals — thin, light-skinned, able-bodied, young, and “pure” — weren’t created by accident. They’re tools of control. They uphold systems that benefit from sameness and obedience: white supremacy, patriarchy, colonialism, capitalism. If we’re always chasing an impossible standard, we stay distracted, compliant, and disconnected from each other — and from our own power. That’s where the unlearning starts.  I Will Not Conform My fatness—and my refusal to shrink myself—is also an act of resistance. My body might change over time, because that’s what bodies do, but I’m not going on another diet or taking GLP-1s. I’m done conforming to what dominant culture tells me I should be. Because what’s happening right now is about control. The powers that be want conformity. They want women (and those perceived as women) to be small, quiet, obedient—to stay home, care for children, and “know their place.” They want men to be strong, lean, and stoic. Did you hear that speech where ‘what’s his name’ said he wouldn’t have “fat generals” or “fat troops”? That rhetoric isn’t about health—it’s about power. It’s about conformity. Sirius Bonner says it better than I do. We cannot forget that anti-fatness is rooted in anti-blackness. Thinness and “ideal body standards” are ideals of white supremacy, patriarchy and colonialism. It is fascism. They want us the same; they want us to shrink. But bodies are diverse. But when we stand together—fat folks, queer folks, Black and brown folks, every person whose existence challenges the narrow story of “normal”—we remind them they can’t win. Will you conform or will you be free?  Lately, it feels heavy to be a human in this country. Did you know that depending on which way we lean politically, we’re often shown completely different versions of the news. Some stories are left out completely depending if you’re a dem or a rep. It really seems that often we’re living in different realities. This really bothers me because I feel like until we can all get the same facts in front of us, facts that are currently being debated and denied, how can we really move forward? It feels deliberate and dystopian. Every day I think something along the lines of “is this real life?” When I hear more rights being taken away, rights that we deemed “god given”, in this here “land of the free” I get more and more confused. People are being censored for speaking the truth. I’m talking facts here, not opinion. And I’m talking about censorship, not being “canceled”, mind you. You can stop listening to or supporting someone for saying something you disagree with but to have the government censor journalists and others for saying something they don’t like is completely different and terrifying. Even small, everyday choices reflect how upside-down things have been feeling. The other day, my partner and I had to choose a health insurance plan. While we are grateful to be able to afford coverage, we also believe strongly that healthcare should be a basic human right in this “greatest country on earth”. Hundreds of thousands of people and families go without healthcare and the safety nets are going away too. People have and will lose everything because they can’t afford their medicine or to go to the doctor. It shouldn’t be a privilege to care for one’s health, it should be a shared promise of our community. And then there is the continued violence. This year, 2025, Black men have been lynched in America. I remember learning in school about the horrors of lynching and believing they were part of a past we had moved beyond. I hate to tell young me that I was very wrong. And, there is a literal genocide happening in Gaza, Sudan and the Congo. People are being kidnapped in the streets of the US. How can we stop these unfathomable tragedies? It’s hard to hold it all sometimes. When I look at these realities together, what I see is dehumanization. People who are perceived as different—Black and brown people, transgender folks, queer folks or people from other cultures or religions, women—are being treated as less than fully human. And when we allow this, we unravel the fabric of our communities. Do you know your neighbors who are different from you? Do you have friends who are trans, Black, queer, or from other cultures? If not, is it because of fear, or simply lack of understanding? The good news is, understanding isn’t required to recognize someone’s humanity. What matters most is seeing each person as fully human, deserving of safety and dignity. If you do have friends in these communities, check in with them. Many are living under the tremendous weight of violence, lies, and propaganda. They may not say it out loud, but they need support. If you are a member of one of these communities that are facing so much harm, I am sorry. You belong. You are loved. If you don't think you have a queer or trans friend or family member, I bet you do, they probably don't feel safe enough around you to tell you. I am queer and most of my family doesn't know. One of my teachers, Susanna Barkataki, reminds me to turn to yoga when I’m feeling hopelessness creep in. In yoga philosophy, there is the practice of satya–truthfulness. It is not about using truth as a weapon, but about aligning ourselves with reality in a way that creates harmony rather than harm. To speak the truth can be uncomfortable, to hear the truth can be uncomfortable too. The truth is, every one of us has more in common than we realize. We all want to live safely, to care for our families, to belong. Satya asks us to face the heaviness of this moment honestly, and also to speak and act in ways that honor the humanity in everyone. If we can do that, together, we have a chance to build a community and a country that truly lives up to its promise. To further take from the roots of yoga, we are taught that yoga is a tool for liberation and social justice. The purpose is to remember our true selves as well as the interconnectedness of all beings. We are not separate from one another and to quote Maya Angelou, "The truth is, no one of us can be free until everybody is free".  If you’re like me and you have been feeling overwhelmed, here is a reminder to myself and to whoever needs it: It is normal to feel a wide range of emotions when we see rights under attack and violence carried out against innocent people. Grief, anger, fear, exhaustion, and even numbness are all completely valid responses. None of these feelings mean we are weak or broken, they mean we are human, paying attention, and carrying the weight of a painful moment. At the same time, our nervous systems can only hold so much before they start to shut down or melt down. It might help to find ways to release and reset. Here are some that help me:
Thank you for being here, sending love your way. Andrea  NOTE: I originally posted this in the winter of 2021 and updated and edited this in the winter of 2024-25. I still wear a lot of these same things but please check the updated Extended size outdoor clothing and gear list for current links. I live in the Northeast. I specifically live within an hour and a half of Buffalo, NY. If you know anything about Buffalo, it’s probably that it gets a lot of snow. That’s because our location is directly to the east of Lake Erie and that means we get lake effect snow. (So far, as of this edit in December of 2024, we have had two big lake effect snow storms. This is due to Lake Erie, still being warmer than the surrounding land). Living here means that if I want to go outside in the late fall and winter months, there is a chance there will be snow, and I’ve got to dress for the weather. I know so many people that have said that they hated the cold until they started dressing for the weather. Whether you are snowshoeing, skiing, hiking, building a snowman or walking your dog, you may benefit from some of these tips. Below I’ll share clothing and gear I have used to stay comfortable as a plus size/fat person, when it’s cold and I want to get outside. First of all, you don’t have to spend a lot of money to get out there. Yes, there is technical clothing made for cold weather which can cost big bucks. These things are well made and will last a long time. However, if you’re just starting to explore winter outside, or if you don’t have a lot to spend, there are ways to dress so that you’re comfortable outside. The two main things to remember are:
One way to get outside in the winter and not spend a lot is to purchase athletic clothing that is made out of synthetic material. Synthetic is always going to be less expensive than down or wool (two common materials used for warmth). Layering a couple of pairs of athletic leggings or long sleeve shirts may be enough to keep you warm. Remember though, they won’t be waterproof but they should help wick away moisture from your skin. When I first started getting into snowshoeing, I found some long sleeve wicking tops in the “athletic section” at Wal-Mart for around $10. I bought a few different colors and that’s what I wore as my base and mid layers. Another lower price option is Old Navy. I have a pair of their fleece lined leggings (linked below). If you type in “base layers” in the search bar on the Old Navy website, you will find some tops and bottoms that are a reasonable price for all genders. (Although I recognize that Old Navy and many of other stores that carry low price clothing can be problematic, I also recognize that not everyone has the ability to spend a lot of money on clothing and gear and EVERYONE that wants to, should be able to enjoy the outdoors). So why is it important to layer? If you wear several light weight or thinner layers instead of a couple of thicker layers, you have better control of your temperature. If you are downhill skiing, or it’s in the single digits and you’re walking your dog or something, it makes more sense to wear thicker and not as many layers since you might not work up as much warmth when skiing downhill or walking your dog on the sidewalks. Winter activities like snowshoeing, cross country skiing and hiking can really work up some heat. When you’re moving the added drag of going through snow can get the blood pumping. When you start getting warm, it’s a good idea to take off layers to help prevent sweating as much as possible. If you stop moving for any reason ( including for an emergency) you will get colder much faster and stay much colder if you have been sweating. When you stop moving, you can put on the layers that you took off to help stay at a comfortable temperature. Why is it important to stay away from cotton? Cotton holds moisture close to the skin and will stay wet if you sweat at all. When you stop moving, you will get colder faster and that can lead to hypothermia. Synthetic and wool fabrics help to wick the moisture away from your skin Wearing moisture wicking materials is the best choice for most outdoor activities anytime, but it’s especially important in the winter.  An important note: Outdoor clothing and gear are very personal choices. There is also a lot of trial and error to find out what works best for you. I’ve changed things over the years as my activities have changed and my body has changed. I’m going to be sharing what my current go tos are for outdoor winter fun as a suggestion of things that might work for you too. Feel free to always reach out. Here is a list of brands that that carry extended size outdoor clothing and gear. I always add to it when I find new stuff. Please share with me any brands that I don’t have on this list, that you love. What I wear: * Below is what I would wear to snowshoe, hike or cross country ski for several hours, as of the winter of 2021-22 in 20-30 degree Fahrenheit (-7 to -1 C) temps. I would add or subtract layers depending on temps and precipitation. Remember, snow will get your stuff wet so if it’s likely to snow when you go out, make sure you have waterproof layers over your warm stuff (especially if it’s down). Also, I am a warm person generally, so if you run cold, you may want to add a layer if you’re following my suggestions. I usually wear a 3XL on top and a 2XL/3XL on the bottom in “women’s” clothes. I’ll link the actual clothing I have unless it’s no longer made and then I’ll link something similar. I have gathered this stuff over time too so unless you’ve got money to burn, take your time building up. First, on top:
On the bottom:
Additional:
 older weather additions:
A few additional cold weather tips. Bring a thermos of your favorite hot beverage with you to drink. Especially if you find it hard to drink cold liquids in the winter. I usually bring regular water on my hike/snowshoe etc. and leave a thermos of hot tea in my car for the drive home. It is so nice to have that waiting back at my car. Don’t forget to hydrate in the winter, the same as you do in the warmer months especially if you’re out for a long time or working up some heat. If you’re going out when it’s well below freezing, and you use a water bladder and hose (like a Camelbak), the hose can easily freeze. Sometimes blowing into the tube after you drink can reduce the likelihood of that happening but I choose to use either an insulated bottle or a Nalgene bottle. If you carry the Nalgene upside down, if the water starts to freeze, it will do so from the bottom (now the top) so that the part you drink from freezes last and you can still drink from it. This is just what I wear and what I do. I’m not coming here as an “expert” but as someone who has done this for many years. There are as many ways to dress as there are people out there so find what works for you. These are just suggestions and a possible place to start if you are wondering “what in the world should I wear to be outside in the winter?” I hope that this inspires you to get out and enjoy the winter in some way. If you can’t beat it, join it?
I have to pee. I’m in a restaurant in Cusco, Peru in July of 2019. The bathroom is a small room I have to navigate to from a slightly larger room filled with a big table, crowded by people in chairs. I get up, and the person next to me scooches in their chair. I look at the space between the back of their chair and the wall. I shake my head, laugh, and say, loud enough for several of the people around us to hear, “No way am I fitting through that”. The other person laughs as well and exuberantly agrees. She gets up and moves aside while pushing her chair into the table. I extend my thanks while continuing to smile as I move toward the small bathroom next to the equally small kitchen. When I am finished, I come back out, she stands up again and I scooch my way back to my seat at the table. This event would have been unremarkable if I were someone in a smaller body. You see, that is not the case for me. I am fat¹. For me, these types of things usually go this way: I get up, I can’t fit behind a straight size² person’s chair, I sheepishly shake my head and quietly say, “I’m sorry, I can’t fit”, they look back to check for themselves, and then scooch their chair up a few inches with them still in the chair. I look at those few inches, knowing I still won’t fit but I try anyway and say, “sorry, I still can’t”. They try not to look exasperated and move in another inch or two. I see that I still really can’t fit comfortably but I don’t want to ask again so I ram my fat body between the chair and wall or other chair just wanting to get this over with. This whole thing is repeated when I have to go back through to get to my seat. I try to be as quiet and small as I can. The least amount of people that see what’s going on, the better. Why was the scenario I described first so easy, so nonchalant? Why were we both laughing? Why was it no big deal? It was because we both were fat. In fact, most of the people at the table were all fat as well. In this specific case, we were at a welcome dinner set up by our local Peruvian guides³ and the U.S. company⁴ the trip is run through, in preparation for starting to hike the Salkantay trail⁵ through the Andes mountains. We would be heading out the next morning early and similar scenarios as at the restaurant would be repeated by different people in our group several times in a dining tent and on the ever-changing mountainside trail over the next few days. The hike was no joke, it ended up being on of the most difficult and one of the most rewarding adventures of my life, (so great I did it again in 2022 with another group of badasses). We were on the trail for five days with the second day being the hardest of the hike as we made it over the Salkantay pass at 15,090 feet. But, we all made it over the pass together. See, we all hiked at a similar pace which meant that we could all experience this amazing event at the same time. We would cry, hug, and dance together not thinking about anything except for the experience. We were all completely present. I am grateful to have been able to be a part of many similar but completely different moments like this in other outdoor adventures with many amazing fat adventurers over the last few years. “What else would you be thinking about?”, you may ask. Well, I’ve been in other scenarios where I would be berating myself for being the slowest. I would be worried that I’m holding people up. I would be hiking completely alone. I would often be distracted by how my body looked or what other people were thinking about my larger body. All these things have kept me from being fully present in some really beautiful places before. Worrying about what I looked like or how people perceived me kept me anxious, stressed, ashamed, and missing out. What I am describing is fat community. I'm specifically describing fat adventure community. Adventure for me has mostly been outdoors and travel. Things like multi-day hiking trips, rock climbing, cycling, glacier walking, and wild swimming. But, I have found that what you’re doing isn’t as important as whom you’re doing it with. Why is it so important? What makes it so healing? In a word, it is COMMUNITY where I feel I can just be. I can be all of me. I don’t have to shrink, I don’t have to make excuses, and I don’t have to worry about what anyone is thinking of me. I can actually forget about my body in all the ways except in the way that it is helping me do the activity I’m attempting. When I have been swimming in lakes with people in similar bodies to mine, I can focus on the sensations of the water on my skin, on the warmth of the sun, on the sensation of floating, on the beautiful location I’m in. I can let go any of those body insecurities that might be hanging around. I know that these people have experienced similar feelings of othering in their lives and there is comfort in that unspoken knowing. I can wear whatever I FEEL comfortable in. I can experience one of my favorite things without even considering covering up. When I try a new, hard, or scary thing, like rock climbing or walking on a glacier, the fear and anxiety are lessened when I do it with other fat folks. I am only thinking about the activity I’m engaged in. I am not adding to that anxiety by also thinking about my size and what people think of me in my fat body, doing the thing I’m doing. I am free to be scared out of my mind because I’m hanging off a 40-foot rock cliff, not because I am the ONLY FAT PERSON hanging off a 40-foot rock cliff. I also appreciate fat adventure community in the preparation for a trip or an activity. As many of you reading this know, finding plus-size gear and outdoor clothing that will keep a person safe and comfortable is hard to find. When you have fat adventuring friends, everyone shares items and brands they come across so the searching and frustration are drastically reduced. We also can commiserate about that lack of resources because we all get it. Doing hard things in fat community is life-changing. Taking up space in the outdoors is necessary. If you have questioned whether you should try something because of your body size, reconsider, because I promise you that you belong. We all belong in the outdoors, I encourage you to seek out your own fat adventurers. I’m talking about adventures here but the scenario with the chairs I described at the beginning has nothing to do with wild experiences. That could happen in any restaurant, anywhere. So even if you’re idea of adventure is chilling by a pool, I highly recommend finding yourself fat (positive) community. The freedom and joy is immeasurable. Positionality and Privilege
I acknowledge and understand the privilege I and others have in the outdoor adventure world. Travel is expensive and not all people have the financial privilege to do these sorts of trips. I work for an adventure travel company which allows me to go on many of these trips while being paid and having the trip paid for. I also acknowledge my privilege of being a white person in the outdoors. Traditionally the outdoors industry has been a very white and exclusive space. It is changing but there needs to be more. I will continue to learn about this and support BIPOC leaders in this space. Here are a few resources: Kween Werk , Melanin Base Camp , Black Folks Camp Too , Black Travel Alliance , Nelson Holland , Jeff Jenkins, host of Never Say Never, Mirna Valerio , Teresa Baker , Kareemah Batts , Jamicah Dawes , Latria Graham , Rue Mapp , Color Outside I also acknowledge my privilege of being cisgender passing and straight passing. This means that the general view looking at my physical presentation is that of a cisgender woman (I use she/they pronouns) and because of my relationship with a cis-man, I look to be in a heterosexual relationship (I am queer). I also acknowledge that I am a medium fat person. This means that I do experience oppression, gear not fitting, outdoor clothing options being limited by my size, struggling with fitting in seats on airplanes and in other public places. And, being that I am at the top of most clothing and gear at a size 3XL, the majority of companies making plus size outdoor gear will have something that fits me. I know that most brands and companies stop there. We will continue to push on companies to do better and make larger sizes. I do have an extended size clothing and gear list on my website that lists 3XL and above. I am also a person with educational privilege and English is my first language. I am an able-bodied person and a citizen of the United States. Many of these things give me unearned proximity to opportunities, resources and power. Footnotes: ¹ I use the word fat to describe myself and fellow larger-bodied people. I have taken this word back for myself as a neutral descriptor the same way I would describe myself as being short, having dark hair, and green eyes. I understand not all people are comfortable with this word yet and recognize that even people I have adventured with would not use the term “fat” for themselves. I use this term in this writing for continuity and to highlight my experience with people who live in similar bodies to mine. ² ‘Straight size’ is a term taken from the fashion industry that generally goes up to a U.S. woman's size 14 or a large. ‘Plus size’ is a U.S. size 16 and up. An extra note: the average clothing size of a woman in the U.S. in 2023 is a size 16. ³ Mountain God’s Peru is the local guide company (highly recommend!) ⁴ Whoa Travel, specifically Whoa Plus. I work for and am a group adventure leader for Whoa Travel. ⁵ The Salkantay Trail/trek goes through the Sacred Valley of the Andes Mountains. It is the traditional, ancestral lands of the Quechua people, some of which are the living descendents of the Incas. The Quechua have continued to live, work, thrive and care for this sacred land to the current day. I honor and give gratitude to those who have shared their love and devotion to this beautiful land. Black History is American History
(This is a copy of my February newsletter email. I didn't want it to just get lost there so I decided to share it here.) This February let's decolonize! Let's decolonize our yoga, and the outdoors industry...but first, let's learn about the racist roots of diet culture! Anti-fatness is based in Anti- Blackness. Anti-fatness as a form of anti-Blackness has its start in the time of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. As far back as the 1600s, white people began to associate larger, curvier bodies with Black enslaved people, especially Black enslaved women. White people wanted to make sure there was a definite division between Black folks, who they deemed as lazy, inferior, and excessive (reasons they should be enslaved), and themselves, who they deemed as more intelligent, godly, and moral. Fatness was associated with Black femininity and white women did not want to be associated with that. Don't believe me? You don't have to, here are the experts. Books: Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fatphobia by Dr. Sabrina Strings (buy here) Belly of the Beast: The Politics of Anti-Fatness as Anti-Blackness by Da'Shaun L. Harrison (buy here) The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor (buy here) Articles: Fatphobia: America's Acceptable Bias by Nicole Cardoza on Anti-Racist Daily Book review of Fearing the Black Body by Dr. Sabrina Strings Hannah Carlan , UCLA NPR interview with Dr. Sabrina Strings Why Your New Diet is Anti-Black. Interview with Da'Shaun L. Harrison about Belly of the Beast The Racist Roots of Fighting Obesity in Scientific American Diet Culture and Weight Loss Programs are a Scam by Da'Shaun L. Harrison Podcasts: Food Psych Podcast interview with Sabrina Strings #196 Fatphobia (and foodphobia)is Anti-Blackness with Da'Shaun Harrison on Rebel Eaters Podcast with Virgie Tovar The BMI is Racist The BMI was never meant to measure the health of individuals. It was meant to measure the average white, cisgender European man. Read more about the BMI: The Racist History of Fatphobia and Weight Stigma Within Health The Racial Origins of BMI by Dominique Stewart at Anti-Racism Daily Black folks and Black experiences aren't a monolith, and just highlighting some for a specific month feels reductive and kind of gross. My goal for this newsletter is to illuminate folks that are in white dominated fields (western yoga and the outdoors!) so that we all can expand our learning and hear from folks with different lived experiences and knowledge. Yoga Dianne Bondy. Dianne teaches I hold such deep gratitude for all that I have learned from Dianne. If you ever think about taking yoga teacher training, may I suggest taking it from her. Shawn J. Moore sound healing, yoga and meditation Nikki Adams trauma informed yoga teacher Latoya Cooper yin yoga at Asana and Wellness Kelley Nicole Palmer a creative, a space holder and advocate. Also one of the creators of The Sanctuary in the City. Outdoors Kween Werk Parker McMullen Bushman: Social justice and outdoor activist Melanin Basecamp "increas(ing) ethnic minority and LGBTQ+ participation in the outdoors." Diversity Outdoors "We are a coalition of social media influencers – bloggers, athletes, activists, and entrepreneurs – who share the goal of promoting diversity in outdoor spaces where people of color, 2SLGBTQ+, and other diverse identities have historically been underrepresented." Nelson Holland @fatblackandgettinit Teresa Baker "Working to increase representation of underrepresented communities in our parks and within the outdoor industry" The founder of the In Solidarity Project. OutdoorAfro.org "Outdoor Afro celebrates and inspires Black connections and leadership in nature. The network also connects Black people with our lands, water, and wildlife through outdoor education, recreation, and conservation." The above are just a small handful of folks out there doing the work of educating and making these areas more diverse and welcoming. Content warning: dieting, food restriction, intentional weight loss (but that's all in the past) I was dieting, thinking about dieting, about to start a diet, or in between diets for thirty years of my life 30, three, zero. I was good at dieting. I followed the "rules" to a T, the weight came off. Slowly, I got tired of the rules and the weight slowly crept back on. Food I wasn't "supposed" to have came back in the house and I couldn't help but eat it if it was there. The weight came back on with some extra. Exercise was always a part of it too. I used that to punish my body because it was "too big". I would lose weight and then stop exercising because it wasn't fun and didn't feel good. Repeat that cycle for thirty years. Remind me, what is that quote about repeating the same thing over and over expecting different results? Man, was I just banging my head against the wall over and over again or what?! I tried every type of diet and lifestyle too. From Slim Fast to Weight Watchers to Richard Simmons to low carb to raw vegan to Herbalife. It all worked until it didn't. How fun. How boring and how frustrating. Food is supposed to be enjoyed, food is a way to connect with loved ones here, a way to remember loved ones gone and the message we get is to make sure to moderate your ancestors?? Six or so years ago I said enough. I don't want to live this way anymore. It isn't fun and it was me constantly berating myself, chiding myself, and saying really mean things to myself every time the weight would come back on. I finally realized that if I've been at this for 30 years, it's actually not my fault. It's actually every single diet or lifestyle that I tried. I was good at lots of things. I had very good grades in school, lots of friends, a very successful business so why wasn't I good at this? It turns out because my body was smarter than me and all of those diet makers. My body was...is, so wise that anytime I would try to give her less food and more exercise she would be like..."ah, we have been here before! We will not be starved, we will survive this next famine by holding on to our life saving fat stores harder!" As I let go, slowly over time, after the initial swing of the pendulum, things have come to a pause. I am at my heaviest BUT THAT IS BECAUSE OF ALL THOSE 30 YEARS OF DIETING. If I never restricted what I ate as a kid, teenager, and into my adult years I would be much smaller today. I've come to love this version of my body, now so that's okay. This fat body has done some really epic and fun things. And, I can now have chips, chocolate, ice cream and more in my house and I forget about it. How you ask? Let me demonstrate: don't think about a purple lion. What are you thinking about right now? Might it be a purple lion? We are shown constantly that what we restrict, we crave, think about and even obsess about. If everything is allowed at any time, it no longer has power. No, you won't eat all the cookies in the house forever, trust me. I write this because I see so many people doing what I did. I hear people demean themselves for not having willpower. I see people jumping on this lifestyle trend and that one. I'm here to tell you that it's not your fault you can't keep the weight off. 98% of people gain their weight back (and usually more because of their smart bodies)after 5 years or less. 98%! Being fat also isn't the health risk that everyone wants you to think. The risks of heart disease, type 2 diabetes and other "fat related " illnesses are much more closely linked to weight cycling or yo yo dieting than to staying at a higher weight. Health benefits are seen when folks move regularly, eat a variety of foods, work on stress reduction* and have proper medical care regardless of body size. *There is only so much stress reduction a person can do especially if they not only live in a larger body but have other oppressed identities. Black and brown and Indigenous people have to deal with racism, LGBTQIA people have to deal with homophobia, and transphobia. The more marginalized identities a person holds, the more social stressors there are to have a negative affect on their health. I share this with you in hopes that it inspires you to also give up the dieting. There are way more fun/important/inspiring/interesting etc. things in this life than being a certain size. If only I could go back and tell child, teen and young adult me.
ArchivesI live in the Northeast. I specifically live within an hour and a half of Buffalo, NY. If you know anything about Buffalo, it’s probably that it gets a lot of snow. That’s because our location is directly to the east of Lake Erie and that means we get Lake Effect snow. (I’ll be interested to see what effect climate change has on this weather phenomenon). So, that means if I want to go outside in the late fall and winter months, I’ve got to like snow (maybe not like it but at least learn to live with it), and I’ve got to dress for the weather. I know so many people that have said that they have hated the cold until they started dressing for the weather. Their whole enjoyment level went up a lot. So whether you are snowshoeing, skiing, hiking or building a snowman, I’d love to share some of my tips and the clothing and gear I have used to stay comfortable as a plus /fat person, when it’s in the low digits and I want to get outside. First of all, I want to say that you don’t have to spend a lot of money to get out there. Yes, there is technical clothing made for very cold temps and a lot of it costs big bucks, but if you’re just starting to explore winter outside, you can do so for maybe less than you think. The key things that you want to remember are: always layer and stay away from cotton. So, if you have athletic gear from Wal-mart or something you’ve had for a long time, anything that is wicking, should work. You might just want to put on a few layers of those leggings or tops. When I first started getting into snowshoeing, I found some long sleeve wicking tops in the “athletic section” at Wal-Mart for around $10. I bought a few different colors and that’s what I wore as my base and mid layers. These days, another lower price option, that I’m getting a lot of stuff currently, is Old Navy. I have a pair of their fleece lined leggings (linked below) and that is all I wear when the temps are around 20 F. They have recently come out with top and bottom base layers that are a merino wool mix for a really good price ($30 to $40 and watch for sales). Merino wool tends to be the standard for base layers (the layer you wear closest to your skin) as it is naturally wicking and odor blocking. If you are allergic to wool, there are some good synthetic options out there as well. Honestly, you could outfit yourself completely in Old Navy these days. They are putting out some good stuff and their sizing goes up to a 4XL which is around a 26-28. (I’m definitely not sponsored by Old Navy, lol). So why layer? The reason it’s better to have lots of light weight or thinner layers instead of a couple of thicker layers is that you have better control of your temperature as you do activities. One caveat: If you are downhill skiing, that is the only activity where wearing thicker and less layers makes sense since you don’t work up too much heat when skiing downhill. There is a lot of wind there and also when you’re on the ski lift up in the air, you can get really cold. Most other winter activities like snowshoeing, cross country skiing and hiking can really work up some heat. Anything where you’re moving and going through the added drag of going through snow can get the blood pumping. When you start getting warm, you want to be able to take off layers. The last thing you want when you’re out in the winter is to start sweating. The reason is if you stop moving for any reason, including for an emergency, you will get colder much faster and stay much colder. When you stop the activity, you can put back on the layers that you took off to try to stay at a comfortable temperature. This is the same reason you want to stay away from cotton. Cotton holds moisture close to the skin and can stay wet if you sweat at all. This will cause you to get cold too. Wearing moisture wicking materials is the best choice for most outdoor activities anytime, but it’s especially important in the winter. An important note: Outdoor clothing and gear are very personal choices. There is also a lot of trial and error to find out what works best for you. I’ve changed things over the years as my activities have changed and my body has changed. I’m going to be sharing what my current go tos are for outdoor winter fun as a suggestion of things that might work for you too. Feel free to always reach out. Here is a list of brands that that carry plus size activewear and outdoor clothing and gear. I always add to it when I find new stuff. Please share with me any brands that I don’t have on this list, that you love. Below is what I would wear to snowshoe, hike or cross country ski for several hours, right now in the winter of 2021-22 in 20-30 degree Fahrenheit (-7 to -1 C) temps. I would add or subtract layers depending on temps and precipitation. Remember, snow will get your stuff wet so if it’s likely to snow when you go out, make sure you have waterproof layers over your warm stuff (especially if it’s down). Also, I am a warm person generally, so if you run cold, you may want to add a layer if you’re following my suggestions. I usually wear a 3XL on top and a 2XL on bottom in “women’s” clothes. I’ll link the actual clothing I have unless it’s no longer made and then I’ll link something similar. I have gathered this stuff over time too so unless you’ve got money to burn, take your time building up. First, on top:
On the bottom:
Additional:
Colder weather additions:
Here are a few additional cold weather “tips”. Bring a thermos of your favorite hot beverage with you to drink. Especially if you find it hard to drink cold liquids in the winter. I usually bring regular water on my hike/snowshoe etc. and leave a thermos of hot tea in my car for the drive home. It is so nice to have that waiting back at my car. If you’re going out when it’s well below freezing, and you use a water bladder and hose (like a Camelbak), the hose can easily freeze. Sometimes blowing into the tube after you drink can reduce the likelihood of that happening but I choose to use either an insulated bottle or a Nalgene bottle. If you carry the Nalgene upside down, if the water starts to freeze, it will do so from the bottom (now the top) so that the part you drink from freezes last and you can still drink from it. This is just what I wear and what I do. I’m not coming here as an “expert” but as someone who has done this for many years. There are as many ways to dress as there are people out there so find what works for you. These are just suggestions and a possible place to start if you are wondering “what in the world should I wear to be outside in the winter?” I hope that this inspires you to get out and enjoy the winter in some way. If you can’t beat it, join it? *If you don’t already know, I use the word “fat” as a neutral descriptor of my body. You can describe your body however feels best to you.  |
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